I have experienced strange phenomena nearly my entire adult life. It seems whenever I have a female friend who has just broken up with a male significant other, the reason is due to the fact he is an asshole of some variety. Yet when I have a male friend who has just broken up with a female significant other, it is because she is crazy- though the word is typically preceded by the adjective, ‘batshit.’
So, if my relatively small gender sample study logic is correct, according to women, men are generally assholes while, for men, women are typically crazy.
Hmmmm. Just coincidence? Do I just happen to attract female friends whose exes are jerks and male friends whose exes are virtually insane? If so, what does that say about me and the people I attract as friends? Perhaps you may disagree, though I will assume, for the moment, that my experiences in this regard are quite the norm. Please understand, I realize not EVERY female or male describes the opposite sex in this way and I only refer to my personal experiences- understanding the limitations of my myopic life.
Let’s take a closer look at those words.
The word ‘asshole’ is an interesting one. Technically, of course, it means an anus or rectum. We all have one and some of us actually are one. The way most people use the word in describing the essence of another person is defined on dictionary.com as “a stupid, mean, or contemptible person.” Therefore many men are assholes or jerks or mean. I guess.
Not so fast women, your description may even be worse.
The word “crazy” is fairly straight forward as this word has no literal corresponding body part. The dictionary describes crazy as “1. mentally deranged; demented; insane. 2. senseless; impractical; totally unsound.” And if I take many a man’s word for it, many a woman fit this definition to a tee (just imagine if we met a crazy asshole and then tried to figure what they would call their ex).
I am in tension…why is this?
During a recent drive to Las Vegas I thought long and hard about this interesting social labeling practice while gazing out at the long stretch of Interstate 15…I knew then I had to write a blog –and I may have discovered the answer…or at the very least a half ass theory.
Most masculine men are wired to value reasoning and intellect over the touchy feely stuff generated by women. Can men be emotional? Of course. Yet, consider when you ask the typical man the typical therapist question, “How does that make you feel?” you will get the look of a “deer in the headlights” or a golden retriever with head cocked to the right and ears up, nonverbally asking, “Huh. What…the hell?” We male assholes just love to trump and beat the bejesus out of our high- feeling crazy female counterparts with our reason and logic –because we are defenseless in the war of identifying emotions.
Most feminine women are wired more for relationships and nurturing. Do they possess logic and reason? Of course…and in many cases much more than men. But why is it when I have an issue, particularly of a relational nature, and I really need to talk to someone, I will ALWAYS turn to my female friends? It feels to me like women actually care and practice empathy while men are just trying to figure out a logical answer to the problem…if they are listening at all.
I have said it before and I will say it again. The left brained, logical doctor may know how to sustain physical life, but the right brained and high feeling artist knows how to make life worth living in the first place.
A friend of ours, Geoff, was over the other night and he had a very interesting observation that got me thinking. I was discussing with him the fact that I instruct my Critical Thinking courses NOT to think of everything in a strictly logical sense. We all have what I call a human antenna, or that part of our brain that may sense something is wrong, off, or askew but our reason and logic cannot explain why. Should we ignore the antanna as we cannot back it up with formal reason? My answer is no, rather listen to it.
Our human antenna needs to inform our logic.
This is when Geoff, a very successful Hollywood sound designer who owns a sound studio, and who knows a little sumpin sumpin about electronic signals, said that we may all have antennas but every antenna is wired to pick up different signals. For example, my Chevy Camaro antenna picks up signals that, say, my Ipod antenna is not wired to pick up. My car picks up Sirius XM signals while my Ipod picks up FM radio. All antennas are not created equal. Our personal human needs drive the signals we pick up with our human antenna.
For example, if I have a deep need for acceptance by others, I will probably pick up signals that either affirm or negate my great need for acceptance.
So it goes with the sexes. Perhaps the female is wired (or socialized, no matter) for nurturing relationships and picks up sensitive signals concerning behavior that do not fit and are incompatible with her wiring. When logic and reason trump nurturance and relationship, the antenna interprets asshole.
When the man, wired for logic and reason, observes behaviors that suggest relationships and emotions come before intellect, then the man’s signals go off as “batshit crazy.”
So, men, perhaps some women are not as crazy as you think they are and, women, some men are not the assholes you make them out to be.
But what do I know? I’m just some crazy asshole with a blog.