A Guide To Police Reform

It is of no surprise to anyone that our country is in dire need of police reform judged by almost any metric. The following is my official proposal for reform that I believe can potentially solve this national crisis.

My Proposal for Police Reform

The Hiring of Police Officers

It is of paramount importance that if real change is going to happen in our country, it begins with the hiring process of potential officers of the law. One may wrongly believe that reforming law enforcement begins with hiring the “best and brightest,” yet you could not be more wrong. The desirable qualifications we should look for in any candidate include the following criteria:

  • College Education

We must do our must best to keep the number of officers with a college education to an absolute minimum. We one gets educated, frequently one becomes less ignorant, more enlightened, and gains new perspectives in both understanding and perceiving the world around them. Such advancement may lead to the unintended consequences of smugness, independent thought, thereby potentially threatening the current groupthink fraternity that exists in most departments. Under no circumstances should a police agency require a college degree. In fact, it must be considered a detriment for potential employment.

  • Age

To put it succinctly, the younger the better. It would be to our collective advantage to hire as young as 18 years old (or younger if legal in certain states). Though it is true that one’s prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until around age 25, this is precisely the reason to keep the hiring age as furthest away from full brain development and function as possible. By hiring young and impressionable boys and girls, the law enforcement agency can more easily manipulate the youngster’s mind and play a part in the brain’s formation of neural pathways and cognitive development. Like education, this ensures officer’s stay lock step with the department in matters of policy and general cohesion. And studies show these things are important. Really important.

  • Motivation

It is very important to determine the reasons why one would want to become a police officer. If any of the reasons do not include both, “to have power and authority over others” and, “need a stage to play out my violent tendencies,” the candidate must be rejected immediately. We need men and women on the streets who are there to meet their own emotional needs as this will keep officers satisfied in the line of duty. Studies show job satisfaction must always be paramount. If a candidate ever suggests a reason having to do with the “giving to the greater good,” we can be assured they are not truth tellers and will be personally unsatisfied with their life.  As an example, many years ago a neighbor of mine was entering the LAPD police academy, when I asked him why he would leave his lucrative tile setting job to be an officer, in his preferred location of South Central Los Angeles no less, his PRECISE and UNEDITED response was, “so I can kill some niggers.” There is no doubt this man was a proud and satisfied member of the force.

  • First Department Assignment After Academy

Many police departments currently make their young, uneducated, cognitively under developed and emotionally deprived youngsters serve their first two years of duty in a maximum-security prison. This is just genius. All departments must follow this protocol as it serves to give the young man or woman a reality check of what they will be up against, most particularly when they pull a soccer mom over for going 51 in a 45. By demanding these young people rub shoulders with hardened criminals in their first two years of service, they will realistically know what they are up against. Yes, they may get jaded and get a somewhat skewed perception of the world while becoming more aggressive and violent, though this is small price to pay for the “scared straight” lessons that will be learned.

  • On-The- Job Behaviors and Attitude

It is also imperative that departments implement policies that ensure all citizens are treated as second class or worse, while this being expressed both in terms of behaviors and attitude. While recently having my car broken into with over $2000 worth of merchandise stolen, I had to visit the police department 3 times to get a police report at my insistence. This taught me tenacity and great patience. These are good things for society.  I also had the entire robbery on a surveillance DVD with a listing of everywhere the criminal went with my wallet. It was never looked at, nor was a finger ever raised, in potential service to this law abiding and tax paying citizen. Imagine my ego and general satisfaction if the police had actually done something or expressed a positive attitude in one of the safest cities in the country? Big egos and being overly satisfied are not good for the individual. It is critically important for law enforcement to flaunt their power when possible and do as little as possible for the people who pay their salary while being an asshole, this will ensure the power division between police and everyone else, is properly and rightfully maintained. Studies show that a high power distance between the protectors and the protected is a really good thing.

General Characteristics

Some other characteristics to look for are the following:

Community College Dropout: It is always preferable if candidates have dropped out mid-semester of the local community college. Sure, this may demonstrate a lack of willingness to follow orders and submit to the policies of a college course, yet it also shows independence and gutty decision-making.

Failed High School Athlete Who Never Started: This experience only serves as impetus to finally “start” and work out their baggage on the job while making a respectable starting salary in the process. Some suggest this may indicate a way to work out their historical frustrations, yet it also allows a person an opportunity to be good at something. And that is powerful.

So, there you have it. Our reforms must include younger people with a lack of education, under developed brains and are motivated by selfish reasons to get their own personal needs met while being an asshole. In addition, they must rub shoulders with hardened criminals their first two years while preferably college dropouts who failed in athletics.

This proposal will ensure we have the right people in these very important and powerful positions.

Oh, wait…did I say “solve” the problem? Whoops.





  1. These suggestions seem to go with the tone set by the presidency. They will truly make America great. And if not we can just try again next year.

      • I’m doing good! I see you’re doing your part to make irony great again. Great job.

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  2. Not gonna lie, had to go back and reread this thoroughly to combat the initial knee-jerk response of “Jimmy, what?!” 🤦🏾‍♀️

    In my defense, I was skimming the article while listening to a video lecture, planning tmmrw’s appointments and tasks, and checking emails. The fact I missed the mark of your post initially is probably a commentary on the true efficacy of my multitasking skills, but I digress.

    I see the satire now and chuckle lol, but the accuracy of this makes for some heavy humor 😔

  3. Good thing I read all the way to the end Jimmy. By the time I got to the section on “On the job behaviors and attitudes” I was beginning to think you had gone off the rails altogether. But the last 2 lines restored my faith in your ability to “critically think”. Love the “absurd” approach.

  4. I was curious what you thought about what’s going on right now because I remembered you saying you thought all police should be college educated when I took your class a few years ago. Upon reading the first paragraph I was like, “wait, did he change his mind, or did he just make a mistake?” Speaking of which, I noticed a few grammatical errors, but I suppose they fit with the style and irony.

    • Yeah…that’s it…the style and irony! Thank you Anthony. I decided to write about this sarcastically as people are not as threatened by it and do not think they are reading just another rant.

  5. I love it. After the first paragraph I knew this was a perfect description of most big city police depts and not real “suggestions”. It is a little rough on the “good” cops, but never the less pretty accurate coverage of the real problem cops. An excellent example of “critical” thinking.

    • Thank you Don. These are by no means new beliefs…I have been thinking about this stuff for years. It all began for me when cops broke up a party at my house when I was in high school. I watched them throw my 95lb sisters to the ground and arrest them because they asked why they were breaking up the party. Oh, and they are quite white. I have been saying for years that many cops are assholes first and racists second. In my twenties when my peers were choosing careers, I was shocked that it was the violent fighters at my high school who were becoming officers. I was shocked they passed as suitable (of course I am no longer shocked). I think the sad part is that the “good” cops are rare…when I happen to meet an officer who is quite friendly and positive I am always taken aback because it is such a rare occurrence. One of the good ones was the former chief of the Redlands, CA police, Jim Buermann. I had a wonderful conversation with him and he asked me if I would come train the department to communicate more effectively. HE said over 90% of the problems on the job were the officers fault. Duh…look who you are hiring!

  6. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, I can see that your limited world view has yet again forced you to stumble upon erroneous and, if I may add, pretentious conclusions. But that’s enough ad hominem let’s get to common ground. I wholeheartedly believe that what we can both agree in is the right to be human. If we cant at least say that the situation we have here is a human to human blockage then we just wont see the humanity that exists to balance the equation. Cutting to the quick, the description of the kind of officer you describe is one in a thousand. Yep, they are out there and even other cops dont like them. Heres the crux of either we agree or disagree; more education is the key but not the kind that requires philosophical prose and a budding flowery writing skill but a realist, physical and mental training that comes more than once a year for four hours. We need officers who are highly trained in de-escalation and physical containment. We start with humanitarian training, letting an officer know it’s okay to connect with the people they police but always ready for the shift to violence when necessary. Not only should we enhance how an officer can be capable of non-lethal self defense to the highest degree but allow for seperation of duty to heal the mental scars that are inherent to the nature of the job. Since you included anecdotal evidence so shall I. One day at my job just like any other I responded to a code grey alarm at the hospital (violent interaction). I ran to the scene and heard a woman screaming. I thought, “female patient, aggressive, simple strap down (five point leather restraint to a bed)”. To my suprise it was my friend, soaked and gushing blood from her body from multiple slash wounds from a make shift blade (shank). She was crying out and pleading that she tried to warn the team (psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, and rehabilitation therapists) that this was going to happen. She knew this MS-13 gang member was going to attempt to take her life but nobody did a thing. She is my friend and a new mother who was pleading for her life while a maniac lashed her to pieces. I remember the feeling I had that day. I became apart of another world, I was no longer in my body but I still moved and acted as I was trained to but my spirit and mind was no where near this horrific scene. I know I was in a disassociated state and my mind was processing this tragedy but at the same time my mind was instinctively changing to protect me. After that and many other incidents I suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder. I’m working with a great set of people who I am being treated by and I follow my prescribed treatment but I had to file a law suit to receive the care I needed because our great institution denied me any benefits to become whole again. I have to fight almost daily to keep my treatment let alone my sanity. So, that said what really has meaning is our culture of being a “hard” cop need to be replaced with a humanistic approach to the great and loyal people who serve us day in and out and have probably seen and suffered much more than myself. Now is the time to make this change. Let’s just do what comes natural to us all and just be human to one another.

    • Oh my god, how tragic Gabriel. I am so sorry for this. I cannot imagine going through this tragedy and coming out the other side with any semblance of normalcy. Hang in there my friend. I agree with nearly everything you have said with exception of the “one in a thousand” part…though I realize any such number either of us throw there is purely subjective and anecdotal. As far as I know, there does not exist a test to measure “asshole.” By describing the ordeal you went through, you allude to how similarly difficult for police officers to endure similar tragedies…so on this we likely agree as well: Being in law enforcement is a really, really difficult job -which is all the more reason to have a much more stringent vetting process. If you have a moment, I just listened to some of the most brilliant rhetoric on this matter. Jocko Willinik (spelling?) was on the Joe Rogan pod talking about this from a Navy Seal perspective just a few days ago. If you youtube “joe rogan jocko law enforcement” it should come up. This dude is really smart and makes a whole of sense on this matter. Thank you for contributing to the discussion and keeping your ad hominem to a minimum 🙂

  7. I loved your “tongue in cheek” review of how the police department hiring is done. After seeing the way that some police officers treated a mentally challenged man up in Lake Arrowhead several years ago (tasering him to death), I believe that something has to be done. Although most police officers are great, there are those that could use some real help!

  8. Your sarcasm is so great, I laughed out loud throughout reading it. One a more serious note though, I agree with the “real”points that you made. There needs to be police reform. Many citizens are unaware that the police were created to be over seers of slaves. When slavery ended I believe that same spirit or better yet system of over seeing carried over, just under a new name. I can only pray & hope, while also doing my part, that things can change.

    • Thank you Darla and Micah. I have written a follow up to this blog due to the fact I have received a ton of feedback on it…some of it even worthy to be published on my blog provided it was not ad hominem horseshit. I really do not want to be perceived as anti-police because I believe strongly that we need them and that it is a VERY difficult job. My point is rather simple (as you wade through the sarcasm), the hiring practices for police are atrocious. Due to the fact that it IS a very difficult job means we need to hire the best and brightest. I woulds much rather see a smaller force with high quality than a larger force with violence hungry idiots. I believe real change will begin with the removal of “qualified immunity” which, essentially, is a law that states police officers are protected during the course of duty like no other profession. Human Beings – Accountability + Power = Big Trouble. Thanks again!

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